Falling for the P.I. Read online

  “You are my business now. You were in my bed. You know about my life, more than anyone else. Why did you come here?”

  She frowned. “Because you invited me.”

  “You came here because you wanted me as much as I wanted you. You came here because you wanted to feel good, you couldn’t ignore the attraction.”

  She held up her hand. “You need to know I’ve given you everything I can. I can’t give more than this. I know your past, I know about Michelle.”

  “You’re not my ex-wife, I’m not comparing you to her. And you haven’t given me everything. You’re talking like you’re this person incapable of being honest.”

  “Honest? There’s a difference between honesty and keeping things private.”

  He winced, looking impossibly confident, beautiful, unflappable. “Yeah. That’s where this is going, that’s where you know this is going, but for some reason you’re denying it.”

  “Neither of us made promises. I can’t deal with this. I didn’t sign up for this. This whole interrogation about my life before you? I had a life and it was a shitty one for a long time. I will never be able to trust you the way you want me to.” She knew perfectly well she wasn’t being fair, she knew she was walking away from the only man she’d ever want. She couldn’t give him the opportunity to decide whether he believed Derek or her. She’d rather be alone than see him side with a monster.

  He cursed softly and ran his hands through his hair. His jaw was tense, his posture stiff. This was the first time she’d seen him thoroughly pissed. His eyes narrowed slightly as he looked into her eyes. “Did Derek hurt you?”

  She squeezed her eyes shut and turned her back to him. Derek had hurt everything. The life she knew, the people she had clung to no longer existed because of him. “I need to get going. I don’t regret any of…what we shared, but it went too far. If you still want to donate, it would be appreciated.”

  “You’re kidding me. You are not walking out of here like we’re business associates.”

  She started walking to the door. “You can’t stop me. You won’t stop me.”

  He grabbed her wrist, gently, but firmly. She stopped, looking down at the large hand on her skin, the hands she loved, that she welcomed, that she knew would protect her if she needed them to.

  “That’s an underlying threat, right? Or your little test to see if I’ll manhandle you and make you stay here? I don’t need to force you to stay. You can walk out of here, pretend like you’re okay with leaving, but I know that you know it’s bull. You want to be alone? Fine. I’ll leave you alone. I was with a woman who didn’t let me in. The only difference is that I didn’t let her in either. I’ve let you in and now you’re shutting me down. Fine, I made that mistake once before in my life, and ended up with a woman who cheated on me. I’d be a freaking idiot to do that twice.”

  The familiar sensation of being alone, of loss, crawled up Kate’s body and wrapped around her neck, stealing any words that were capable of saving her.

  He crossed the room with a few quick strides, opened a small box on his dresser, then turned to her. She braced herself for him to call her out on her cowardice, but he didn’t. His mouth was pulled into a tight line, not the same mouth that had cherished every inch of skin on her body, and had spoken the most intoxicating words she’d ever heard in her life. His eyes still held the patience, the tenderness. “When you figure it out, act like the tough woman you pretend to be and come and find me. Let’s go. I’ll drive you home.” He pressed a key into her hand and walked out the door.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Sara, sh, come here,” Kate whispered, trying to be a big girl, dragging her little sister into the closet with her as the yelling grew louder. Usually Derek would duct tape her mouth shut so she couldn’t scream, but she’d managed to sneak away before he remembered she and her sister were still in the apartment.

  Derek screamed at their mother, “That is not my kid. Who were you screwing? You’re a whore and that kid is going…”

  Something crashed and Kate managed to shut the door, pulling Sara onto her lap, covering her little sister’s ears until Derek stopped shouting.

  “I have to help Mommy, you stay here, okay?” Sara nodded and Kate crept out of the closet silently reciting the prayer their mother said to them every night before bed, to give her strength, to block out Derek’s mean words…Hail Mary, full of grace…she sucked in a breath as Derek threw an empty bottle of whiskey at her mother’s head…the Lord is with thee… she screamed as her mother fell to the ground…Kate crouched over her, trying to breathe, nudging her mother to open her eyes…“Wake up, Mommy”… “Get the hell out of here, she’s fine”…Derek slammed the door and left…Blessed are thou amongst women…Kate rocked back and forth, the words her only solace and began wringing her hands, over and over until they bled…the prayer was supposed to help, it had to help, that had to be why her mother said it every night…she repeated the words, squeezing her eyes shut, waiting, waiting until her mother woke, waiting until someone…until Matt crouched beside her…“I’ve got you, Kate.”

  Kate sat up in bed, clutching a pillow to her chest, gasping for air. She swore and threw the pillow across the room. She forced her breathing to slow, and she stumbled out of bed, away from the dream.

  Matt wasn’t here. She could still feel him, the blanket of safety that had been draped around her. She put on her running shoes in the dark, fumbling with clumsy fingers as she tied her shoelaces. She was already dressed for her run because she knew the dreams would wake her up. A glance at her alarm clock confirmed what she’d already expected: 4:48 a.m., the exact same time she had woken up all week.

  Within minutes she was pounding the pavement with her feet. She could run the route to the pier without thinking about it. She rounded the last corner before the pier appeared in the distance. Just as she had every other morning this week, her gaze scanned the surroundings, looking for a glimpse of a 6’ 2”, dark haired, gorgeous man and, as usual, he wasn’t there. No one was. Just her.

  She forced her legs into a sprint. She’d round the lighthouse and then go home. She’d get ready to face him tomorrow night at the gala. Somehow, she was going to have to face him without breaking down, without letting him in again.

  …

  Matt knew, even as he rounded the lighthouse, that he wouldn’t see Kate. He was half an hour later than her usual run time. He’d done that on purpose. He couldn’t handle seeing her. After he’d driven her home, he knew that he needed distance from her. She had gotten to him, under his skin, and dammit she’d reached all the parts he’d shut off. He wanted her, all of her. He wanted her love.

  His feet hit the pavement hard and he forced himself to keep going, despite the slow ache from his knee to his hip. The pain in his leg was nothing compared to what he felt when he thought about Kate.

  He pulled his hood up as rain picked up from a drizzle to a downpour. All he saw was Kate, as she’d been the other night. Under him, on top of him, kissing him. The expression on her face, in her eyes as he’d entered her. And hell if he hadn’t been completely floored to find out it was her first time. She’d been tight and so damn sweet. His bed still held her scent and he couldn’t sleep because she wasn’t there. He swore out loud as he stepped through a puddle, but it didn’t even matter because he was already soaked by the rain.

  He thought he’d held things close to his heart, but she took the prize. Derek. What the hell was going on? She’d walked away from him. She just chucked everything in favor of not confiding in him. It was that, that inability to open up to him, after everything they’d shared that made him lose it. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t 100 percent in.

  So then, why wasn’t he okay with how they left things?

  Because he loved her. At the end of the day, despite whatever secrets she was holding on to, he loved her. He slowed his pace. He knew what he had to do. Maybe he was a moron, maybe he’d regret it, but he knew that even if
he couldn’t have her, he had to know she’d be okay, that she’d be safe.

  He stopped by the row of benches and pulled out his cell phone, trying to slow his breath as he waited for Liam to pick up the phone.

  “Holy hell, Matt. Why are you calling me so early?”

  “Time to get your lazy ass out of bed,” he said, forcing himself to sound somewhat calm. He looked out over the lake into the horizon, hating what he was about to do, but justifying it by his need to keep Kate and Janie safe.

  “What do you want?”

  “I need you to do some background checks.”

  “Okay, who?”

  “Derek and Kate.”

  Liam swore. “Well, we did one automatically on Derek when he joined.”

  “No, I need more than that. I need you to dig deep and find out the connection between them. I need everything you can come up with. And, no one knows. Keep things normal with Derek. Tell me as soon as you find something.”

  “Done.”

  Matt wiped the rain off his face. “And, uh, Liam, I want you to put surveillance on Kate and her little girl, okay?”

  He hung up the phone a second later, feeling the grim reality that someone very close to him was not who they appeared to be.

  …

  Matt leaned back in his chair and watched Kate as she gracefully made her way to the podium. The barn was packed, not that it looked like a barn anymore. The venue had been a surprising choice, but was perfect. The place was transformed with lights strung from the old beams and flowers and candles on all the tables, making it look like some high-end ballroom. What Kate, Alex, and Cara had accomplished was beyond admirable

  His gaze swept over her, taking in the lush curves, beautifully highlighted in the floor-length navy dress. Her hair was up, with some pieces loose. He ached to pull it all down and feel it in his hands. He ached to have her alone and to himself. If everything went well, maybe by the end of the night that’s exactly what would happen. It had killed him to let her walk away, to not stand there and fight for her, but he couldn’t make her trust him or trust herself. As the week went on and there was no sign of her, he thought up another way that might accelerate the epiphany he was waiting for her to have.

  He kept his gaze trained on her, waiting to see the exact moment she realized she would be introducing him tonight. He had called Cara and Alex the day before to tell them his news, swearing them to secrecy. Luckily, those two liked him and told him Kate was a wreck since she had left him. He was anxiously waiting for some information from Liam. His trust in Derek had vanished the night he’d asked Kate if he’d hurt her. The expression on her face hit him in the gut and kept him awake every night. He needed to make sure she was safe.

  He was leaning back in his chair, ready to hear Kate introduce him to the packed room, when his phone vibrated in his suit pocket. He reached for it, making sure to still listen for his name. He glanced down at the screen. Sure enough, it was from Liam. Go somewhere you can talk. This is big.

  Adrenaline pumped through his veins, along with dread, but he was trapped. Kate’s sweet voice kept him connected to the night. “…my pleasure to introduce Matthew Lane.”

  He stood quietly, trying to push aside Liam’s message. He would call him as soon as he finished his speech. It was fine, he told himself, as he wove through the tables, walking to the podium. Kate was here. He’d keep an eye on her and make sure she didn’t leave alone. His muscles were tense, his blood pumping with the familiar rhythm of impending danger. Nothing was going to happen. He’d deal with whatever the hell was going on.

  He joined her at the podium, his gaze locking on to hers. His heart lurched forward at the tortured look in her gorgeous eyes. There was no way they were over.

  She stepped aside, and he cleared his throat, positioning himself behind the mike. He’d been brought up to never air his dirty laundry in public, to always put on a brave face. He’d watched the women he loved fall until they couldn’t stand on their own anymore. He’d arrested bastards, men like his father. He’d crossed the line a few times, letting his own past influence his job. But tonight he was a guy who was just like any other adult who’d witnessed physical abuse growing up. And hell, if he had to lay it all out on the line for Kate, he was more than willing. If she needed more, in order to trust him, then he was ready.

  He scanned the crowd before speaking. Kate, Alex, and Cara were near the front, eyes on him. Kate offered him a tiny smile and it took everything to turn away, to look at the crowd he was about to address. His gaze landed on something, someone, rather, that made him stand at attention. Derek was leaning against the bar, his eyes on Kate. The hair on the back of Matt’s neck rose slowly and his instincts hummed in a way he couldn’t ignore. There was something about the look in Derek’s eye, the tilt of his head, the almost-sneer on his mouth. WTF? Derek wasn’t supposed to be here.

  He cleared his throat and glanced down at the written speech. He needed to get this done, and then get to Kate. “I’m honored to be here tonight. My name is Matthew Lane. I’m a former detective sergeant with the Ontario Provincial Police, I’m a partner in the Private Investigation Firm, JLI, and I’m proud to be donating the group home to the Still Harbor House for Women and Children.” He paused as the crowd broke out into applause, but his gaze was on Kate. Her gorgeous mouth was open slightly, her chin wobbled, and the unmistakable sheen of tears glistened in her eyes. How the hell was he going to look away from that expression, from her? He needed to finish his speech. He glanced back at the crowd, ready to continue, when he noticed Derek wasn’t standing near the bar anymore. He did a rapid scan of the room, but couldn’t see him anywhere.

  …

  Kate willed her hand to stop trembling enough to at least insert the key into the lock. She’d driven here without even thinking twice about it. She felt safe here, in Matt’s house. Seconds later, she heard the lock catch and she swung open the front door. Lights on sensors turned on and she locked the door behind her.

  Rain splattered against the windows and she removed her heels before walking through to the kitchen. She stood there for a moment, taking deep breaths, watching as the rain made swirling patterns on the windows. Maybe she needed to pour herself a drink.

  She slipped out of her heels and walked across the hardwood floor. She should have told Matt everything, not just the partial truth. She should have told him about Derek, but the idea that he wouldn’t believe her, that he’d take his mentor and old friend’s side over hers, had prevented her from telling him everything. How many times had she tried to repeat her story when she was small, when she actually believed that there were good people out there? The agony of having someone not believe her was unforgettable. With Matt she wouldn’t be able to get over it. And then they’d be over, because she would never be able to have faith in him again.

  But she couldn’t be a coward forever.

  She knew that tonight, the second she saw him. It had floored her. Yeah, so maybe it had taken her a long time to figure it out, but she had planned on coming here tonight to tell him the rest, to finally move forward. When he’d stood up there tonight, his strong body brushing against hers for the briefest of seconds before taking the mike, she had almost thrown her arms around him. The look in his eyes told her everything—she was done being afraid of him.

  After his speech and his incredible donation, she’d attempted walking over to him, but a crowd surrounded him. She told Alex and Cara she was coming here to surprise him and snuck out the back. The reality was that she loved him and she needed to tell him everything.

  The knock at the door jolted her out of her daydream. Without thinking twice about who it could be, she crossed the empty room and swung open the door. The man who starred in all her nightmares stood there. Derek.

  She struggled for air and tried to shove the door shut, but he muscled his way in. She wasn’t going to lose it. She had trained herself for this day, the day she would finally confront him as an adult, as an equal. She wasn’t
going down like she did when she was a little girl. There was no one here left to protect. There was no reason for her to keep her mouth shut. There was no duct tape for him to silence her with. This was Matt’s place, her town, her life, and she’d be damned if he thought he had a right to this.

  He barreled through the door and backed her into the closet door before she could even think. She knew she wasn’t breathing; it was impossible to breathe. He pinned her against the door, his large hands clamped on her arms. “You’re screwing up my life again. This ends now. Your relationship with Matt is over before I tell him the truth about what a lying little—”

  “No,” she said, taking a step closer to him. She didn’t recognize her own voice. It was deep and hoarse, but there wasn’t even a quiver in it. “You can tell him whatever you want, but then he’ll listen to me, and I’ll tell him what a wife-beating, murderer—”

  He snatched her wrist and twisted it painfully. She practiced her breathing, focused, and kicked him hard in the groin, watching as he unhanded her and lost his footing. “What did you expect? That I was still afraid of you? I don’t see any duct tape, so I guess you won’t be able to shut me up.” She was afraid of him still, the part of her deep down that was still the little girl that had witnessed his brutality, but she would never let on. Never.

  “You actually think he’s going to believe you? What, are you going to whisper in his ear and beg him to help you like you did with my partner that night? He won’t believe you, he won’t give a shit about something that happened over a decade ago. Get over it. He’ll think you made a mistake, a stupid childhood mistake, and he’ll believe me over your warped memories.” She refused to remember the night he was talking about, her attempt to get help, her first attempt where an adult, a man sworn to protect, turned from her.

  “You’re a murdering bastard.”

  He glowered at her from his position on the floor. “You always blamed me for your mother and sister’s death, but it wasn’t my fault, I didn’t kill them.”