Christmas with the Sheriff Page 14

  She picked an armload of gifts and made her way down the aisles to the front cash.

  “It’s so great to see you again, Julia!”

  “You too, Sabrina.” She forced a smile on her face as Sabrina, the owner of Jack and Jill’s Toy Shoppe, greeted her from behind the old cashier counter. Just a few days ago she had envisioned the three of them on Christmas morning exchanging presents around the tree they’d decorated together. Stupid, sentimental, Julia. Didn’t she ever learn? Dreams and wishes were for children, not grown women who’d already learned how cruel life could be. She wanted Maggie and Chase to be happy. In the end, if Maggie’s mother was back then she was happy for her. It was her fault for getting hurt. She never should have allowed herself to get so close to them. She never should have allowed herself to fall in love…to spend the night with Chase.

  “Is this for Chase’s little girl?”

  She nodded, slipping on her red wool gloves, and tried to look casual. She knew Sabrina wasn’t a gossip. “It is. I hope she likes it.”

  “I’m sure she will. It’s the last one, super popular this year.”

  “It looks like business is going well?” she asked, trying to change the subject off herself. The charming store had been a fixture in the town for as long she could remember. A visit from Santa usually happened the weekend before Christmas. Julia still loved how small and cozy it was, yet still managed to have a selection of unique and popular gifts.

  “It is. I’m trying to keep up with trends, but still trying to incorporate some educational and creative gifts,” she said, stuffing some tissue in the red bag. She slid it across the wooden counter. Julia grabbed it by the handle and forced a super cheery grin on her face.

  “Well, you’ve done a great job. It was nice seeing you. Thanks for your help,” she said, leaving the store before she ran into someone. She took a deep breath as the blast of cold winter air greeted her upon leaving the little shop. She was only mildly happy to see snow beginning to tumble from the gray sky. Snow reminded her of Chase, and their night together. Well, she was going to have to rid herself of that comparison because she had at least three months of snow ahead of her. She marched down the sidewalk, anxious to turn down one of the side streets before she ran into someone she knew.

  “Julia!”

  She stopped walking, but took a moment before she forced her feet to move to face the owner of that deep voice. She had tried to get his voice out of her head. All the things he’d whispered…promises, delicious, sweet words she was a fool for thinking she’d ever forget. She clutched the handles of her bag and turned around, and there he was, walking toward her, all confident strides, all delicious, gorgeous Chase. He was in uniform today and she had to quell the flutter in her stomach at the sight of him. She was so hopeless. She commanded herself to not be affected by how he looked, or the warmth and worry in his blue eyes as he finally stood in front of her.

  “Are you feeling better?”

  “Perfectly fine, see? I’m even cleared for work.”

  “You were shot. You could have been killed.”

  His jaw ticked for a moment. “Why are you doing this?”

  She fidgeted with the handle on her bag and tried not to look at him as he stood close to her. “What do you mean?”

  “I want you to stop running. I want you to choose me and my little girl,” he said harshly.

  She held up her hand and said the words she’d been avoiding the last few weeks. She hadn’t said them in her mind, and certainly not out loud. But if this was the last time they spoke about this before she left town, she needed him to know. “If I weren’t, if I were a different person, if there weren’t a little girl involved, I’d stay and fight for you. I’d tell you I loved you. I’d tell you that you’re the only man that has ever made me feel completely whole. I’d tell you that that night with you was the best night of my life and that I ache for more of you. All of you, for the rest of my life. I’d tell you that being a mom to Maggie is the sweetest, best gift I could have this Christmas. But I can’t. We can’t.”

  “Auntie Julia!”

  Julia swiped at the tears that had started rolling down her face and backed up a few steps from Chase at the sound of Maggie’s voice. He had looked like he’d been about to pull her into his arms and kiss all her common sense from her. She waved as Maggie approached them.

  Maggie barrelled into her and her heart squeezed as she hugged her back. “Watcha doing? Are we still going ice skating tonight?”

  She stared into Maggie’s blue eyes and then looked up at Chase who currently looked as though he’d turned into stone. She searched for something to say that wouldn’t make Maggie upset, but Chase beat her to it. “Auntie Julia promised Cassy that she’d stay in tonight. I’ll take you. Just me and you.”

  “I’m sorry sweetheart,” she whispered, hating herself.

  “It’s okay, Auntie Julia. Daddy and I are two peas in a pod, remember? We’re used to it just being the two of us!”

  She forced a smile and didn’t look at Chase. “You all have a great night. I’m going to hurry so that I can get home before dark. Bye!”

  Her stomach churned and she felt acid rise in her throat as she walked as fast as she could on the partially snow-covered sidewalks. She needed to leave Shadow Creek as soon as the holidays were over.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Julia cursed out loud as she landed on her butt, in a pile of snow. Maybe all that pie had gone to the right places, or she’d be even more hurt. She never should have taken Lola on the walk, but after her run-in with Chase and Maggie, she’d needed to burn off some frustration.

  She squinted, looking down the street for that damn dog. Lola was going to get a real talking to. Maybe she’d buy the Baileys’ dog a gift certificate to obedience school. She brushed the snow off her jeans and slowly stood, a strange familiarity creeping through her body.

  She glanced down at the sidewalk. Then up at the black coach light. At the oak tree, at the Japanese maple at the fire hydrant…at her old home. Their old home. The damn dog had led her right onto the street she had vowed never to go down again. The ghosts of her past yanked her out of her safe hiding place and shoved her in front of the reality she had to accept, ruthlessly excavating the memories she’d buried deep inside.

  The curtain on her old life rose, and all her memories danced like a meticulously choreographed ballet in front of her: The day they moved in, the day they brought Matthew home from the hospital, the red stroller on the porch, the lawn sign and balloons at his first birthday party, the tricycle on the walkway, the tulips in the spring, the reindeer lawn ornaments at Christmas, the sled and then finally, the For Sale sign. When had things gone wrong for Michael? When had she stopped being enough for him?

  She shut her eyes for a moment, letting the image in front of her recede, letting the present in, letting Chase’s face, his smile, his voice filter through. The memory of Maggie’s sweet laugh, the feel of her hand. She opened her eyes again and she knew where she needed to go.

  Julia focused on the cloud of cold air as she exhaled, guiding Lola to the place she’d been avoiding for five years. Snow slowly fell in swirling patterns as they walked the quiet residential streets and then the more rural road as they finally came to the outskirts of Shadow Creek.

  She stopped walking, her boots crunching against the gravel. Her hand tightened around Lola’s leash as she eyed the entrance to the cemetery. She wasn’t going to break down.

  She knew she needed to come here today. Maybe Lola leading her to her old house was a sign. She needed to confront her guilt, she needed to say good-bye.

  “All right, Lola. Ready?”

  Lola eyed her for a moment and then gave a bark.

  “I’ll take that as a yes,” she said and the two of them slowly walked down the footpath. The snow had been somewhat cleared but she was glad she’d worn her boots as there were patches of ice and the odd snow drift. She focused her eyes on the towering pines, branches heavy with
snow, on the clear blue sky and bright sun. She knew which direction they had to go in and efficiently led Lola down one of the side paths and in a few minutes she found herself standing in a place that felt as though it only existed in her worst dreams. Icy wind blew snow in swirls around them, but it didn’t bother her. It was almost as though it didn’t matter; it was nothing compared to where she’d been, where she was now.

  Lola tugged on the leash and she gave in, walking forward, her boots sinking into the snow. She brushed the snow off the top of Matthew’s tombstone and the front of it, revealing the words that Chase had helped her choose, when she hadn’t even had the brain power to pick. Her boy’s life, summed up in one sentence: Matthew Bailey, beloved son, grandson, angel. Julia let herself cry, knowing no one would hear her. She sank to the ground, not caring that her jeans were wet with snow. She was at once one with him; the rest of the world, Lola, everything receding into the background. It was just her and Matthew.

  “Matthew, Mama’s sorry. I’m so sorry I haven’t been back here, but you’ve been with me every day. In my heart. And I miss you. God how I miss you so much, I ache for you, my sweet baby,” she said, her voice coming in a rush of sobs.

  “I know Daddy is taking good care of you. I’m okay too.” Lola’s head nudged her, and then gave her a lick on the side of the face. She peeled off her gloves and traced the engraved letters of his name, barely seeing them through her tears. “I should have brought something for you. I didn’t think. I just needed to come here again.” She lost track of time as she sat there and talked and cried. This should have been easier; five years was a long time. It wasn’t easy. It was one of the hardest things she’d ever done. Sitting here at her son’s grave made it all so final, so real. He was gone from this life, her life. God, did she hurt, everything inside of her hurt and brought her right back to that day when she wept at the most incredible, horrifying loss. It was only when Lola started barking at her that she realized the sun was gone, her hands were red and white with cold, and she couldn’t feel her feet anymore.

  She stood, and turned to Michael’s grave. She didn’t know what to say to him because she didn’t know the man that had died, so she said the only thing she could. “Good-bye, Michael. Thank you for Matthew. I knew…I knew you did everything to save him. Take care of our baby.”

  She backed up slowly, careful not to fall and then finally turned, seeking out the path. She waited for the pain to lift, the heaviness, the ache. It did, slowly, but it was replaced by fear as she thought of the people in her life now. She loved Chase and Maggie. She wanted to be Maggie’s mom, Chase’s wife. She loved Maggie with a maternal instinct and love that she wasn’t prepared for. And she loved Chase…in a way she’d never experienced. She wanted them so badly. She wanted a family again—but she didn’t know that she could risk it all.

  She looked at Michael’s tombstone again, giving him a final wave good-bye as Lola tugged on the leash. She couldn’t face this kind of pain. She couldn’t risk it all again. Wind whipped snow in her face as she stepped through the deep piles. She never should have let herself get close to Chase and Maggie. She wasn’t being fair to any of them. She couldn’t handle a life of worrying whether or not Chase was safe. The night he was shot had been brutal, sucking her back into the night of the accident. The call that Michael and Matthew had been in a car accident. She couldn’t do it again.

  She walked away from her baby again, this time strong enough to walk on her own, this time wise enough to not let herself be vulnerable again.

  Chapter Sixteen

  She was leaving Shadow Creek.

  She justified it by telling herself she was being selfless, that she wanted the best for Maggie. But the cold, pathetic truth was that she was running because she was terrified. The kind of terror that had woken her up the last few nights drenched in sweat ever since Chase had been shot.

  The next night she’d dreamt Maggie had drowned after the ice broke on the skating pond and she couldn’t get to her fast enough, and then she dreamt of her baby. Oh God, she hadn’t grown at all, had she? She was so in love with Chase and his little girl and the only way she could deal was by leaving town. She loved him in a way she never thought she could love a man.

  Julia clutched the handle on her wheeled suitcase and made her way to the screen mounted on the walls and searched for her bus. The small station was bustling, Christmas travelers being greeted by friends or family, and excited travelers getting ready to leave the town to visit loved ones. This would have been a poignant scene had she not been on her own and running away. There was a man in the corner, playing “The Christmas Song” on his sax, and people dropped bills and coins in his open case.

  Something, or someone, made her pause.

  She stood motionless in a crowd that was moving and tried to decipher the feeling. A shiver ran through her and her eyes made contact with a man across the station. He was bearded, tall, built, and dressed in cargo pants and a beat up leather jacket. He was scruffy, his hair on the long side…but his eyes. She gasped, and it dawned on her, the exact moment it must have dawned on him. The crowd faded, the noise dimmed, except for the blood rushing in her ears.

  It was Jack Bailey. Michael’s twin. Her brother-in-law that no one had seen for five years.

  She dropped the handle of her suitcase and ran. He met her halfway and then she was being held in his arms. She could feel the tremor that ripped through him. “Jack, you’re home. It’s so good to see you,” she managed to whisper through her tears.

  “You too, Jules. How are you?” he asked, pulling back. He looked down at her; they studied each other. They had both run. They hadn’t seen each other in years and now they were here, looking at each other as people passed by them, paying them no attention.

  “I’m good,” she said, swiping at the tears. Good, except I’m on the run again.

  He frowned slightly. “Why don’t I believe you? And why are you leaving on Christmas Eve?”

  She closed her eyes. “Long story.”

  “I’ve got all night.”

  She gave a short laugh. “No, you don’t. You better get home before your mother loses it. She’s planning on cooking the biggest two-day feast ever. You go home, and you surprise them.”

  “I’m bringing you with me.”

  She shook her head, wishing she could. “I…can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  She groaned and looked down at her boots. “I can’t talk about it.”

  “Ah. So you’re running away.”

  She crossed her arms and looked up at him. It was funny, because she’d wondered about seeing him again, if he would trigger too many memories, if he would be too much like Michael. But Jack had always been his own man, he’d always had an edge to him that made her never truly feel like she knew him, but he’d always been good to her. He’d always treated her like family, and right now, standing here, knowing what she knew about Michael…she didn’t see many similarities between them at all.

  She pursed her lips and he grinned.

  “I know a runner when I see one. I’ve had to look at myself in the mirror for five years,” he said, pointing at his face. “Why would you be running from Shadow Creek right before Christmas? Too painful?” he said, his voice dropping, a tenderness entering.

  She could claim it was that and maybe he’d believe her, but she didn’t want to lie. Or maybe she secretly wanted his opinion. “It’s not that…”

  He rolled back on his heels, a slight smile making the corner of his mouth twitch. “Or maybe it has something to do with my good-for-nothing best friend and county sheriff?”

  She knew her face was as red as Rudolph’s nose and just as obvious.

  “So I’m right.”

  She frowned at him, resisting the urge to stamp her foot. “How did you know?”

  Now his grin was full on mischievous. “That idiot has been in love with you since the first day he met you.”

  Tears flooded her eyes. Oh God, what was she
doing walking away from a man like that? “I don’t know what I’m doing, Jack. I’m scared, I’m a wimp and I’m running. He was shot last week and I almost lost my mind. I can’t do it again.”

  “You’re not a wimp, and I get it. Everything you’re saying. What happened to you sucked, sweetheart. I get running. But I’m back here now too and I’m filled with a crap-load of regret and I hurt…people and I don’t know if they’ll ever forgive me. Don’t do it, Jules. Don’t be afraid for the rest of your life.”

  She nodded rapidly but refused to let herself cry. “I love him and Maggie. I want nothing more than to move back here and start a life with them.”

  “Well, then why the hell don’t you?”

  Julia froze. It was Chase. She turned around and he was standing there, looking slightly badass and disgruntled, but mostly tender.

  Her eyes filled with tears. “What are you doing here?”

  He reached out to gently stroke the side of her face and she had to resist the urge to just jump into his arms. “Stopping you. When I said you needed to decide on your own, I wasn’t expecting you to actually buy a bus ticket out of town. I came out here as a last-ditch attempt to convince you to stay.”

  “Nice to see you too, Chase.”

  Chase grinned, moved forward, and punched Jack on the shoulder. “You too, though you look like crap. Oh and, yes, I was shot, but now I’m fine, thanks for asking.”

  Jack barked out a laugh. “Thanks and, yeah, you were shot, but I know it’ll take more than that to bring you down. So you driving me home?”

  Chase handed him his keys. “Wait in the truck. If I don’t bring both of you home tonight, Cassy’s going to take one of my guns and shoot me. That’s a direct quote. We’ll be out in a minute. Just don’t play with the sirens.”