Falling for the P.I. Read online

  “I’m not,” she said, looking somewhere over his shoulder.

  “But you’re about to walk out of here because…”

  She frowned and then shrugged, looking so much less defensive, so much less the tough girl he’d nicknamed her. “I’m a private person and that was something private.”

  He tugged her gently over to him, an inch or so from his body. “Have I ever pressured you for anything? Even when you told me you lived happily ever after, I accepted that crappy exit. I know there’s a helluva lot more.”

  She shook her head and didn’t say anything for a long moment. “I keep the bottle in my bag as insurance. It’s a safety net. I haven’t had to take one in over five years.”

  His heart pounded relentlessly. The PI in him wanted all the details. He was becoming more and more intrigued by and concerned about her history. The guy in him that cared more about her than he ever would have expected this early on felt bad for her, for the vulnerability that was etched in the dip of her gorgeous mouth, in the softness of her voice. “Why did you start taking them?”

  She crossed her arms under her breasts and, for the first time since he met her, the sudden appearance of cleavage didn’t really register. He just wanted to know she was okay. She looked down at her feet. “I had some issues in my childhood, things that happened to me…and sometimes I’d hear a sound or be in a situation that would trigger a memory and then all of a sudden I wouldn’t be able to breathe and I’d hate the feel of my own skin. I’d want to disappear, but I couldn’t get away from myself. It was an awful feeling.”

  “Was it your mom dying that caused the anxiety?”

  She drew a deep breath. “Other stuff.”

  Other stuff. That was all he was getting tonight. “What made you get past that?”

  “Being with Alex and Cara again, having a real home. Feeling safe. Janie. It was like everything started coming together for me,” she said softly, her eyes watering for a moment.

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m glad everything worked out.” What a stupid thing to say, but being with her was like walking the finest damn line, a step in the wrong direction and he’d be gone.

  “I should probably get going. It’s a school night and I’ve got grading to do, and then we’re going to look over some real estate listings for the group home.” She took a step back from him, walls up and her posture stiff.

  “Why does it feel like every time we get close you shut down? You’re running off. Just a few minutes ago you had the whole night. Now—”

  “I’m not. This is life with kids and a job and a fundraiser.”

  “No, it’s you not wanting to share everything.”

  “I just shared a bunch. Mother died when I was young. Went to foster care. Anxiety. There.”

  “How about what happened that caused the anxiety?”

  “There are things I don’t share with anyone.”

  He took a step into her, hating that she visibly stiffened. “I’m not anyone, not anymore, as much as you want to deny it. I know you better than you think, just like you know me. There’s no denying this thing between us.”

  “If I don’t deny it then you become real in a way that terrifies the crap out of me, Matt. I spent my entire life believing guys like you didn’t exist, and I’m so afraid that if I believe in you, you’ll fail me. If I don’t believe in you, then I can’t get hurt.”

  “If you think I’ll fail you, then what are you doing here?”

  “I don’t know,” she whispered. “I can’t stay away.”

  That was all he needed to hear before trying to convince her without words that he was the real thing. For her, he could be anything she wanted.

  Chapter Nine

  It smelled like a little bit of heaven inside their house.

  Kate jogged down the stairs, ready to tackle the coats and boots at the front entryway. Matt, his mother, and his sister would be arriving in less than half an hour, and she was nervous, which was kind of silly. A part of her really wanted to meet his mother, but it also implied seriousness about what they were. Once you met family…it became harder to walk away, but she’d be an absolute idiot to walk away from the man who somehow succeeded at breaking down almost all of her walls, who made it abundantly clear he wanted her and her daughter. And, like every other time she thought about that night at the fair, when he’d looked at her, his gorgeous eyes filled with unmistakable tenderness and sincerity, and he’d told her it was okay to be soft, she melted. He was unlike anyone she’d ever met.

  When she’d filled Alex and Cara in on most of the evening’s events, Alex insisted she invite Matt’s family here. Since she knew Alex was a total control freak when it came to the holiday and the cooking, she had. He’d replied minutes later. No games, no waiting. He accepted.

  She lined up what seemed like a dozen shoes outside the closet, hung their jackets, and made some room inside the closet.

  “I’ve been kicked out of the kitchen already,” Cara said, holding an armful of toys as she walked toward her.

  “I’m not even going in there,” Kate said, closing the closet doors. Alex loved to take over holiday cooking, and since she and Cara loathed cooking, they had happily agreed to let her. They were relegated to such tasks as cleaning up the house, setting the table, and getting flowers.

  “Seriously, where does all this crap come from?” Cara dumped the toys into a giant basket and set it on the stairs, ready to go up to the girls’ room. She turned to Kate. “So, you nervous about meeting Matt’s mother?”

  “It’s not like that.” Kate looked in the mirror and smoothed her hair. How it had gone from nicely styled to disheveled in less than an hour was beyond her.

  Cara narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. “Really?”

  “Yes. It was more like you guys bullied me to invite them, so I did. Not a big deal, almost accidental.”

  “Sure. It’s about as accidental as that new lip gloss you’re wearing.”

  Kate smacked her lips together.

  “Seriously, you don’t have to hide from me. You are obviously falling for this guy and there’s no point in denying it.” Cara’s features softened and she sat down on the stair landing. “I know it must be scary for you, opening up to a guy, and I know how bad you had it. But there are good ones out there, and it’s okay to trust the good ones. I have a feeling about him, Kate.”

  Kate crossed her arms. Everything her sister was saying was true. She knew it, deep down, with Matt. She had learned to fine-tune her instincts early in life; she could analyze mannerisms, expressions, and tone of voice. She knew he wasn’t putting on an act. She felt it when he reached for her, when he kissed her, when he looked at her. He was one of the good guys. Maybe that’s what made it so difficult because, if she didn’t want to lose him, she was going to have to open up to him eventually. He was going to demand more of her than she had ever given someone.

  The doorbell jarred both of them. Cara snatched up the basket and started up the stairs. “I’ll be down in a second. Go make a good impression with ‘the mom.’”

  Kate took a deep breath and swung open the door. Of course, her eyes went to Matt first, because that seemed to be what always happened. He was a good foot taller than his mother and sister, who were standing in front of him.

  “Happy Thanksgiving,” Sabrina said and they all began speaking at once, exchanging pleasantries, as Kate led them inside.

  Matt laid a quick, but very real, kiss on her lips, before taking his mother’s and sister’s coats.

  “It’s so wonderful to meet you, Kate. Thank you for inviting us to your lovely home,” his mother said warmly. She had dark hair like Matt, cut into a stylish bob, and she was petite. She wore a deep-red sweaterdress and was holding a large dish, which Kate took from her when she held it out.

  “It’s great to meet you as well, Ms. Lane,” Kate said, feeling more at ease than she would have expected so quickly.

  “Call me Barb,” she said with a smile.


  Loud, fast footsteps and riotous laughter filled the hallway as all three girls tore into the area, followed by Alex and Cara. Kate didn’t know what Matt had said about Janie or how he had explained why they were all living together, but when Kate made the introductions, Matt’s mother didn’t blink an eye as she shook Janie’s hand. If anything, her expression warmed even more.

  “Alex, it smells amazing in here,” Matt said, leaning down so Janie could climb onto his back. When this unspoken piggyback situation had started, she had no idea, but her daughter’s arms were around Matt’s neck, and she looked…like she’d never, ever been happier.

  “Thanks, everything should be ready in about an hour.”

  “I brought some pumpkin pie,” Barb said.

  “Oh that’s lovely, thank you,” Alex said, pushing her hair off her face.

  “Now, put us to work. I like to feel busy,” Barb said, following Alex as she led them into the kitchen.

  “Just don’t let Matt near the food. He samples everything without asking,” Sabrina said.

  “Nice,” he said, nudging her shoulder. Janie laughed at the jostling movement. “But also true. Why don’t I keep the kids entertained?”

  The girls were already jumping up and down.

  “That’s perfect. Matt thinks just like a kid,” Sabrina said with a big grin.

  “You can help me. You’re about the same size as them.”

  He winked at Kate and then was walking down the hallway toward the family room, Cassandra and Beth leading the way, Janie attached to his back like he did this every day. Like he belonged here.

  Half an hour later, the table was almost set, Alex was bustling around the kitchen in her “zone” while Barb had made herself at home and was chopping cucumbers and tomatoes for the salad. Kate was reaching for the stack of dessert plates when Barb stopped chopping and gave her a look that was startlingly similar to Matt’s.

  “Kate, I just wanted to let you know that I think what you’re doing is very special, adopting Janie,” she said in a soft voice.

  Kate tensed for a second before setting the dishes on the counter. She didn’t know how much Matt had told his mother. Considering how little she’d told him, Barb was probably guessing what her situation was. “Thank you, but I’m not special. I mean, adopting Janie shouldn’t be a special thing, you know?”

  Barb smiled and looked beyond her, toward the open family room where Matt was currently, and very loudly, winning a round of the Frozen memory game. “You’re absolutely right, but I do know you’re probably being modest. A young woman with a busy career, no husband, adopting a child? It’s impressive. And wonderful. I also know you’re very good for my son.”

  Kate turned slightly and smiled at the picture he made with the girls and his sister. Janie was sitting in his lap. “He’s a good man,” she said, glad to be saying it out loud. She knew where Matt got his easy demeanor and good nature. His mother was warm and welcoming, assuming only the best in her.

  “He is a good man. I don’t know if everything would have turned out the same if he hadn’t been so strong. I regret every day that I stayed with their father as long as I did, but I can’t go back and change that. It forced Matt to grow up much faster than he should have had to. And I’m aware every day of the sacrifices my son made for his sister and me. He deserves a good woman,” she said, patting Kate’s hand.

  Barb glanced away for a moment, and then started speaking again, tossing the cucumbers into the wooden serving bowl. “I’m not sure how much he’s told you about what happened to him after the accident…and I do hate to interfere in his life,” she said, placing the wooden serving spoons in the bowl and lowering her voice.

  Kate leaned in closer, very experienced in the subtleties of girl-talk, living in a house full of women.

  “It was the only time I’ve seen him down. He loved working on the force, which didn’t exactly make it easy for a mother to sleep at night, but I knew he loved his work. I’ll never forget when his wife called me in the middle of the night to tell me he’d been shot and was in the OR, not knowing if he was going to make it or not. That’s not a call a mother ever wants to get. But, as I’m sure you know, Matthew is a fighter. Even when they told him he might not be able to use that leg again, he pulled through. His marriage slowly fell apart during his recovery. I know he blamed himself, saying that he was miserable to be around, but I always knew she wasn’t right for him.”

  Kate clutched the chair with her sweating palms. Her heart broke for Matt because, even though he’d told her the bare bones version of this story, he’d left out the details that made it real. And of course he would, because he never let on that there was a vulnerable side to him. He was the protector—for his mother, his sister—and he’d inadvertently started filling that role in her and Janie’s life. But what his mother was saying about his ex…the way she said it implied that she knew his ex wasn’t right for him, but that she was.

  “I’m glad he’s better,” Kate said, reaching for the plates. She was lame. The woman was opening up to her, and all she could say was that she was glad he was better? C’mon, Kate. Open up. Say something else.

  Barb gave her a knowing look before picking up the spoons and tossing the salad.

  “I mean, I’m enjoying getting to know him, but I’m not in a position to jump into relationships. I’m committed to providing a good home to Janie and I don’t want anything upsetting that.”

  “You’re a lot wiser than I was at your age, sweetie, and I know you don’t want me going on about how wonderful my son is…” She looked up at her, winked, and then said, “but he is.”

  Kate laughed.

  “Dinner’s ready!” Alex called, opening the oven door. The kitchen was suddenly awash with the smell of turkey, the richness of wine, and Matt as he suddenly appeared behind Kate. She felt her body welcome him, aware of the way her body leaned back into him. His arms reached around her to snatch a cucumber from the bowl. His mother swatted his hand with the spoon, picked up the bowl, and walked to the dining room.

  Matt leaned into her, his lips brushing against her ear. “Somehow, I’m going to get you alone after.”

  …

  Three hours later, after one of the best meals he’d ever eaten, Matt was itching to get Kate to himself. Sensing an opportunity when Alex declared that she was brewing coffee and getting dessert set up while his mother and the rest of them started clearing the table, he made eye contact with Kate and tilted his head toward the back door.

  A slight smile teased her lips, and he was suddenly hungry all over again. For her. Today had been an exercise in severe self-control. He hadn’t felt like sharing. He barely felt that he’d had enough time with Kate on his own, let alone having to share her with his nosy sister and his ever-optimistic mother. He knew she approved of Kate. She kept engaging her in conversation, and even when Kate politely, but obviously, turned the conversation away from herself, his mother seemed to still like her. A hundred bucks said his mother and sister had come up with some reason that Kate was closed-off, or maybe they assumed she was shy.

  Whatever it was, and however much he wanted Kate to himself, he had to admit it’d been a good day. He liked her sisters, and the girls…Janie…he liked spending time with them. He stood against the brick wall, on the deck, away from the windows and waited for Kate. Sure enough, a minute later she walked outside, wrapping her arms around herself against the chilly October wind. Every time he saw her, he wanted her more. There were things he knew about people, about how they were on the inside, that made him sure about the way he felt for her. After the accident and his divorce, he had fine-tuned his people-reading skills, so he knew Kate was a no-bullshit, no-agenda type of woman. Even if she hadn’t opened up to him, there was an inherent trust he had in her, which was beginning to make him question his friend. This morning he’d had to shrug off the guilt he felt at the idea that Derek was spending Thanksgiving by himself. What was Derek’s problem with her? Even more curious, how the
hell did they even know each other?

  “I need you to tell me something,” he said, pulling her hair from her face as the wind tossed it around. She was standing in front of him and her typical, slightly defensive look was gone; he hadn’t seen it in a week at least. Progress, until now.

  Her lips narrowed slightly. He knew she had her secrets, he knew she wasn’t ready to give them all up. That was fine. He’d ask about Derek when the time was right. He was after one answer though. “Who’s Art?”

  She frowned, obviously pretending to be confused. “Who?”

  “That other guy you had a date with, Art Zibbits.”

  This time he frowned as she burst out laughing. He wasn’t the jealous type, but he also didn’t like the idea of another man in her life. Not now, not when she meant so much to him. Kate was clutching the front of his sweater, taking huge gasping breaths. It might have been funny if they weren’t talking about another man.

  “Uh, hello? Zibbits?”

  She shook her head, smile still there, laughter still threatening. “You are Art Zibbits.”

  She drummed her fingers along his chest, and he had to clench his teeth in order to stay focused on what she was saying. “That night you walked into the bar? Alex and Cara were trying to convince me to pick up some random guy…and when you walked in you were the one.”

  He liked where this was going.

  “And since we make code names for everyone so the girls won’t be able to follow adult conversation, you were officially given the code name Art Exhibit.”

  He didn’t hold back his smile. He leaned down for a kiss and was stopped by her hand on his chest.

  “I realize this may inflate your already slightly-exploding male ego.”

  He was laughing when he kissed her again.

  “Come home with me tonight,” he whispered against her lips. Her body stiffened against him, and she pulled back slightly. He loosened his grip on her, not wanting her to feel trapped. Her reaction wasn’t exactly the one he was hoping for. He searched her eyes. The fear he saw gutted him. He schooled his features so as to not let on that he knew she was afraid. Of him, of intimacy, of spending the night? He had no idea.